I will also be the first to admit that I'm not the only one who's had a hard year, and I will especially admit that my challenges have certainly not been the worst that one could ever face. But comparisons are dangerous to us humans because they stem out of our own skewed perspective of what is right and wrong with this world, of what is fair and just, of what is good and what is evil. We are the created, not the Creator; we do not define reality, we experience it.
So fast forward to today. Nothing really out of the ordinary was slated to happen today, but for some reason every moment seemed to tumble along easily. The weather was beautiful; E was in great spirits (even dressed herself for school this morning); my many morning tasks unfolded rather effortlessly with very little sense of that rushing urgency; I was feeling rather energetic (dare I say normal) for the first time in eight long months; and to top things off - E and I had a picnic lunch planned with daddy after I picked her up from school.
So there we were - sitting on the porch outside his office - E swinging and playing next to us, when a friend of ours strolled through and commented,
"I hope you know what you've got."
L and I both laughed, amused because E was doing something ridiculous that involved her dress being over her head - 'My Little Pony' underwear and grubby bare feet being the most noticeable aspect of her person at the time. "Yeah," L laughed. "We got a silly little girl."
"Everything," our friend replied very seriously. And with a slight pause in his step and a quick turnaround to take it all in, he walked inside.
Some people might have considered his words a compliment - and to be fair, I'm sure he meant them to be. For me, it was as if someone had hit me across the back of the head with a two by four. My eyes stung from the tears, my stomach knotted and churned, and everything that had once been in plain sight went a little fuzzy for a moment.
Everything? I wondered, as I tumbled back in time in my head. If he had just one clue about what this past year had been like for me, he surely wouldn't have said that.
And then that still small voice nudged me forward a little more. "So just what is your definition of "everything" then? Have I not supplied your every need this past year? Have I not met your despair with an outpouring of grace? Have I not been more than sufficient?"
It was a humbling moment to be sure - humbling that someone would look in on my life and see past the dirty dishes in the sink, the bumper falling off the front of the car, the bill that came in the mail today that has yet to be budgeted for....all the things that I look at with disdain that (by comparison - ironic? yes.) don't seem to ail the majority of people around me. But even more humbling was the realization that - even though others who have journeyed with me this past year may well agree that I have my share of things to mourn - I have an even greater share of things to rejoice in and be thankful for. God has so abundantly blessed us in spite of the hardships we have faced, and has poured out his mercy and grace so freely over me. The depth of our sadness has been trumped by the height of His goodness, and because - in spite of all that has happened - I have Him, I can honestly say: Yes. I do have everything...............AND a silly little girl :).
In every station new trials and troubles
call for more grace than I can afford
where can I go, but to my dear Savior
for mercy that pours from boundless stores.
He made a way for the fallen to rise
perfect in glory and sacrifice
in sweet communion, my need He supplies
He saves, keeps and guards my life.
To Thee I run now with great expectation,
to honor You with trust like a child
My hopes and desires seek a new destination
and all that You ask, Your grace will provide.
Grace upon grace every sin repaired
every void restored, you will find Him there
in every turning He will prepare you
with grace upon grace.
-Sandra McCracken, "Grace Upon Grace"
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