I've decided that disciplining your kids takes a huge turn when they start acting "offended" by your punishments/sentences instead of just simply being saddened by it.
In our house, because we've said it so often, E can probably tell you in her sleep what the gravest crimes are: lying and disobeying (deliberately). She knows what the punishment is for these crimes. She shouldn't be caught off guard when we get to the point of needing to correct these behaviors that are not only deemed inappropriate in our household but also are an offense to an Almighty God.
But lately, every time we get to the end of the road with these two issues and discipline is appropriate and even necessary, my right brain hesitates for a moment before my left brain hits the override button and continues forward with what must happen. It is difficult to break that relationship with her for even the slightest moment. It is hard to remind myself that this is for her (and our) good. It is tough to walk in obedience to the way the Lord has called me to parent and to trust the Him to do a work in her heart and remove sin and restore our relationship. Disciplining is NOT fun. And it used to come quite naturally and much easier, but I seem to be losing a grip on that too.
I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that I'm tired and a little (a LOT) behind the eight-ball these days due to carrying around and growing another human inside of me. But a lot of it also has to do with the fact that E is developing so much these days. Our relationship is much more of a two-way street: for nearly as much love and care as I pour into her, she returns it with her own little words of affirmation and attempts at serving me and helping me. And when I must step into my God-given role of disciplining her, which - in turn - severs that relationship with her momentarily - she reacts now by withholding her love and affection for me, which hurts. A lot. For a short time, I do not get words of affirmation from her. For a moment in the day, she does not want to help me cook in the kitchen the way she did five minutes ago. Instead of just running off to her room crying like she did when she was two, she fights back by closing herself off to me while still in my presence. And I am left to pray desperately to the only Person left that can still speak to her in those moments - my (and her) heavenly Father.
And He is faithful. Though Satan stands ready to speak doubts in my ear each and every time I come to this fork in the road, God has remained faithful to His promise to continue to speak tenderly to her and call her out of the wilderness. My relationship with her after I follow through with loving, Spirit-filled discipline is always better than it was before. And because I definitely do not always get it right, I'm finding that it's even BETTER when I get the opportunity to apologize to her for my mistakes and frustration-filled reactions, asking her for forgiveness and giving her an opportunity to extend grace.
And, I'm sure it only gets more difficult the older they get. I guess that just means I get more opportunities to prove God's faithfulness. :)
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