A note from him...

For once, I (Lawson) will actually be updating the world on the current events of the Bost house hold. It would seem only fitting that I would do it this time, mainly because where we are currently stand in this journey of our life has much to do with my decision making. 

Two months ago, I made a daring and somewhat foolhardy decision to move our family, to both get my family out of the area that we were currently living in and to accommodate a dear friend that needed a place to stay as he made some big life transitions. The plan was simple, rent the house for the next 6 months to a year, while putting the house on the market and sell it, and in the meantime temporarily move into the basement of some really gracious friends while we found a house to rent. Simple right? (Oh yeah, both be parents, working multiple jobs, E finish up Kindergarden, and me in Grad school…..right). I mean we had energy behind this! No longer spinning our wheels, we were going in a direction of purpose and moving forward. What could go wrong?

Well, kind of everything. Nothing went to plan, other than E finished up kindergarten, and we are still working our great jobs and being parents.The main goals that I sat out to accomplish did not come to fruition, as I am currently writing this monologue and confession back in the house of where this story originally started…. 2 months ago. 

I sit here asking the Lord what was the point? What was the point of moving my family across town, displacing them, facilitating stress, drama, and whole lot of instability of that which my wife craves from me? Did I fail? Did it just not work out because it wasn’t supposed to? Or was it a combination of both? I am sure there are a plethora of perspectives both good and mildly depressing that could be generated as to the why. I will let Time, Wisdom, and most of The Lord judge me accordingly. 

But now I am going to attempt to do something that I don’t think happens that often: I am going to be transparent about who I am to the degree that it does a couple of things. 1. It depicts the reality that I, Lawson, am a fool at times and that I don’t, in the least bit, have it all together. 2. God through Jesus Christ is simply stunning in how He takes our fallen, dirty, broken, and messed up efforts and turns it into something beautiful for his name’s sake by his ever arriving Grace…. i.e., that God would get all the Glory for anything good that happens. 3. Lastly, that somebody would get something out of my/our little story. 

Men don’t usually own the crap that they either created and/or are stepping in. I’m 31 years old, and over my years I have seen a lack of this trait. I am one of those men. If I can, I will take the coward’s way and show it wasn’t my fault and there were circumstances that lead to my alleged failure. At the end of the day, when it all shakes out, someone has to take responsibility. Those of you who are reading, and do not have a Biblical worldview will find this silly and sad all at the same time, but for me and my household it is the man in the house that will take ultimate responsibility. If that strikes you as odd or you disagree, read the Bible, it’s in there. But let me make something clear: taking ultimate responsibility and owning every word, action, emotion, and thought that has taken place are not the same thing. This is where I can get in trouble. I will usually try to own every person’s emotion and be responsible for EVERYONE’S actions. Wrong. Not possible. I do not have the power. 

If I had to guess, most people when they look at me with a certain set of lenses would not see me as man’s man. Now, I understand that is all based on a perspective and how you see the world, yet that is my point. No one is really talking about masculinity really and certainly with no real standard. It is way too subjective, to the degree that some say you are only a man if you are a country boy and have swagger. Or if you can sleep with any girl your bros dare you to. Some Worldviews require you to be at least country strong and be able to fix whatever comes your way. Others see men as just lone-rangers, looking for the next adventure, the next thrill, the next chase. My favorite masculine role is don’t show emotion. Don’t show life, frustrations, disappointments, failures, and tragedy are getting to you. Button it up, be strong, and do not show that you are that vulnerable. I mean, who is defining what a man is? I know that my God defines it well and you’ve got to have some standard, or we’ll end up the worst version of masculine selves. 

Hear me clear, I am not saying it is wrong to be strong for those that you love and those that look to you for strength. Paul told Timothy to be Strong. God told Joshua just after Moses dies as he was about to lead millions of his brothers into the promise land to be strong and courageous, I say again be strong and very courageous.  So where am I currently looking? Jesus. He had it all: humility, strength, resolve, endurance, an indomitable spirit. I think Hebrews 12:1-2 sums it well. So do not mishear me. But what I am saying is this: being strong for others without humility in strength will be found out for the weakness it is. 

So if you have not heard it yet, I will it say it plainly: I am responsible for not accomplishing the vision that I sat out to accomplish. I do own my part in not facilitating stability for my family. I am in need of a savior in Jesus to extend Grace to my many shortcomings as a husband, father, and leader. 

So why would I do this in public? Why would I make myself look the fool in front of friends and stranger alike? Well, back up in paragraph six I listed out three main objectives for this little ditty. But as I write this, I realize a couple of other reasons:  not many men do this type of thing. I would love to change that. I know why. They think, “Man, if they only knew I did this or said that, no one would ever trust me!” I’m calling B.S. All dudes are in the same boat. We strive, we work hard, we fail and we nose dive. Welcome to planet earth. I find myself writing this because I wish other men would go there with me. I’m not saying I’m some self-righteous person and this is really easy, ask my accountability group, they’ll tell ya I suck at this. But it needs to start some where. Why not now. 

But I find myself more writing this for my wife. Through my faults and failures I have hurt and frightened the one precious and treasured thing on this earth to me, and I can scarcely bear it. I write this so she doesn’t have to protect some false image of me. I write this so she can have some burden lifted and with confidence to know The Lord protects me and renews. 

So what now Lawson? You wrote this grand essay entitled The Life and Times of the Biggest Goober, what are you going to do now? I am going to do the one thing I know that I am gifted with: enacting resiliency: the ability to retain one’s shape no matter how deeply the stress of the impact for the intended purpose of pushing forward and pressing on toward the goal. I think men can grab hold of a concept like that, at least this one can. 

As my wise and good friend always said, “Your either growing or die’in. You can’t stay the same.” Thanks for sticking with me in this essay and may we always keep staying the course. 

LB

          

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When it's been that kind of a day...

Some days, I look around my house and I see this...

Oh THAT'S where the can of Lysol went...

Almonds definitely belong on a dining room chair instead of IN THE PANTRY.

Hmmm, guess I'll put those shoes away for the one-trillionth time...TODAY.

Seriously, why is it so difficult to keep up with puzzle pieces??

--------------

And some days I look around my house and I see this...

She's finally figuring out there's an actual strategy for winning...

Sister love is one thing I will never get enough of...

Oh, that face gets me every single time!

I think we've all decided she gets to stay. ;)

Want to know the secret to the difference in these kinds of days? 

Grace...no, abundant grace.

Want to know why some days you have it and other days you don't?

Because abundant grace is a gift given by our Father, and we get to choose whether or not we ask for it.

Because if we ask, He gives abundantly. And there's never an end. There's never not enough to go around. There's never a situation that requires too much. Grace comes from the grace-giver, and His promises are true.

"But He gives more grace." -James 4:6

Inciting Incident.

“The inciting incident is how you get (characters) to do something. It's the doorway through which they can't return, you know. The story takes care of the rest.”

― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Well, it's official. L is stepping away from his full-time job at WinShape Wilderness to embark on the next journey in our pilgrimage here on earth: full-time pursuit of the passions The Lord has placed within him - marriage, family and counseling. Forever thankful for our WinShape family and all they have done and continue to do to show their love for our family. Truly amazed at how God has used AdvoCare to open doors to do what seemed impossible six months ago.

Our God is such a BIG God with incredible purpose for our lives here on this earth, and we are in awe of His great mercy with us. Truth be told - we are not boastful of this opportunity; in fact, we are mostly terrified of this giant leap of faith that we are taking! But we are fully trusting in God's promise to uphold His integrity, and we are staking our lives on His vow to never leave us nor forsake us. He has proved Himself faithful and true to us in every turning, so we move forward confidently and boldly, even with uncertainty.

Especially grateful for those of you who are moving forward with us at this rather unforeseen fork in the road...thanks for your patience, your belief, your understanding and prayers. One of our own prayers is that every daring step of obedience to Christ we take encourages you in your faith as well.

-L&J

P.S. - To any of our friends who feel like we've fell off the map here lately...now you know why! ;) We'll be back as soon as the dust settles.

Transformation

As the day comes to a close, I feel the need to clarify my AdvoCare transformation pic that's been floating around on my page and the page of a few friends today. Seeing it over and over, and hearing a few comments have spurred a couple of important thoughts in me. 

If you didn't catch the pic on Facebook, here it is, along with the caption:

"Want to know how much AdvoCare has changed my life? This is just the outside transformation, which doesn't even scratch the surface...thankful and amazed at all that has happened in our lives in just a few years. I know my story is just one of thousands in AdvoCare, but sometimes it's hard to believe that it's actually MINE and they I'm living it. Feeling blessed today!"

So here's some end-of-the-day thoughts:

1) I'm thankful for all my amazing friends who have gathered 'round to state what might not have been outright said: those pics have not, do not, and will not EVER define "beauty" for me. Hear me when I say that I very intentionally never said that. I know Who defines beauty and I know that it is rooted in my wholehearted pursuit of Christ. So thank you for your reminders, or maybe clarification, of that point. :) 

2) Everyone knows I'm a CrossFitter. But people look at me now and find it difficult to separate what CrossFit did for me vs. what AdvoCare did for me. CrossFit helped me become a strong, functional, and confident girl. I LOVE CrossFit and I love being "CrossFit chick" and I love that I can snatch 135# and clean 175# (<----yep, that was bragging just a little ;)). On the other hand, AdvoCare has grounded me nutritionally to a system that helps me manage my weight and size for life, gives me performance products that have absolutely increased my PR's at CrossFit and has offered our family a business opportunity that is allowing us to one day be a family full-time while helping others do the same as well. CrossFit is awesome but will never afford the business opportunity that AdvoCare has, and I am truly grateful to have them both and thankful that they can go hand in hand!

3) At the end of the day, I still look at those pics and think how crazy it is that this is MY life. That I have this incredible husband and two amazing little girls. That we are writing an unbelievable story - one that will bring glory to God but that also has purpose and significance in our lives and in the lives of those around us and is leaving a legacy for our kids. AdvoCare has become our vehicle for unlocking that story. Paul was a tentmaker, we sell AdvoCare. Tents gave folks shelter back in Paul's day, AdvoCare meets REAL needs in today's society that is drowning in a sea of health crisis and financial debt. I get to help people with that. And be a wife. And a mom. And a CrossFit chick. :)

Dear friends, stick with us on this. Allow us to prove to you that we are not walking away from all that we once held dear, but are - in fact - now finally freeing ourselves of the things that held us back from running wholeheartedly after what is MOST important to us. And our greatest desire is that you would lock arms with us and run after Him Who sets us free and help others also be set free from those things that entangle and enslave all of us in this time here on earth. 

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (The Beginning of a Story)

I bought a book for $4.99 on Amazon Kindle on Friday night after reading one page from the book and declaring to L that "This book is going to change my life. And yours." The page read:

"If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either."

I want to make something very clear from the beginning, just so it doesn't get lost in what I'm about to say: Significance comes from Christ. There's no life story that, apart from Christ's redemptive work, has eternal meaning. His death, burial, resurrection, and glorious return to bring His people home one day is the grand meta-narrative that I first and foremost desire to be a part of. May God grant me the ability to never lose hold of that precious perspective.

But I do want my life here on this earth to matter, and I believe that's not an unholy thought. I mean, why would God go through the whole point of sticking us here on this earth if our life here didn't have meaning? Couldn't he have come up with a better plan of maybe lining us up to all have our turn at a pop quiz for who God really was and whether or not we really loved him and granting us immediate access to Heaven if we "passed"? I mean - seriously - what's the point of 70+ years of wandering around here on earth if the sole purpose of our life is to decide whether or not we want to spend eternity in Heaven with Jesus? I don't mean that to sound heretical. I just think that maybe there might be a little more at stake with the time we have here on this earth than just figuring out whether or not we want to go to heaven one day.

Donald Miller describes this "life purpose" through the analogy of story in his book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years":

"A good storyteller speaks something into nothing. Where there is an absence of story, or perhaps a bad story, a good storyteller walks in and changes reality. He doesn't critique the existing story, or lament about his boredom, like a critic. He just tells something difference and invites other people into the new story he is telling." 

"A story is based on what people think is important, so when we live a story, we are telling people around us what we think is important...The ambitions we have will become the stories we live." 

"'Writing a story isn't about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn't think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it's conflict that changes a person. You put your characters through hell. You put them through hell. That's the only way we change.'" 

“Humans naturally seek comfort and stability. Without an inciting incident that disrupts their comfort, they won’t enter into a story. They have to get fired from their job or be forced to sign up for a marathon. A ring has to be purchased. A home has to be sold. The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen.” 

 “If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation. In nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed. He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end. If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet. And if story is derived from real life, if story is just condensed version of life then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another. ” 

“Once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.”

“One of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims instead of grateful participants. But I've never walked out of a movie thinking all movies are meaningless. I only thought the movie I walked out on was meaningless. I wonder, then, if when people say life is meaningless, what they really mean is their lives are meaningless. I wonder if they've chosen to believe their existence is unremarkable, and are projecting their dreary life on the rest of us.”

“The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is 'Do not fear.' It's in there over two hundred times. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn't let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.… the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.” 

"There is a force in this world that doesn't want us to live good stories. It doesn't want us to face our issues, to face our fear and bring something beautiful into the world...I believe God wants us to create beautiful stories, and whatever it is that isn't God wants us to create meaningless stories, teaching the people around us that life just isn't worth living." 

“We live in a world where bad stories are told, stories that teach us life doesn't mean anything and that humanity has no great purpose. It's a good calling, then, to speak a better story. How brightly a better story shines. How easily the world looks to it in wonder. How grateful we are to hear these stories, and how happy it makes us to repeat them.”

“Here's the truth about telling stories with your life. It's going to sound like a great idea, and you're going to get excited about it, and then when it comes time to do the work, you're not going to want to do it. It's like that with writing books, and it's like that with life. People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen. But joy costs pain.”

And so I'm left to wonder...

What kind of stories have I been telling with my life? 
What kind of story do I want to tell with my life?
Am I willing to do the work of facing my issues and facing my fears in order to create a beautiful story that gives glory to God and develops meaning for the time He has given me on this earth?

Why don't you...

Here's a freebie for ya, because it's been a while since I was on here last. A little snapshot into what rattles around in this brain of mine sometimes...

"I love your blog posts. Why don't you write more often?" -Says mom

Because I don't have time.

"I love it when you coach. Why don't you coach more often?" -says CrossFit Client

Because I don't have time.

"Mommy, I want to play hide-and-go-seek. Why don't you play hide-and-go-seek with me?" -Says kid #1

Because I don't have time.

"I love your cooking. Why don't you cook more often?" -Says hubby

Because I don't have time.

"Waaaaaa-aaaa-aah." -Says kid #2

Because I don't have TIME.

Now, let's set a few things straight. First things first, my husband is a champ and he NEVER criticizes whether I cook, don't cook, or even whether I burn-the-only-thing-I-tried-to-cook. But it doesn't matter - I still beat myself up with the fact that I don't have the time I need to serve him in a way that I actually could rock out if I had a little more time. Which leads me to my second point. I actually LOVE doing every single one of those things I listed above. I LOVE blogging. I LOVE coaching. I LOVE playing hide-and-go-seek with kid #1. I LOVE cooking. And I really really really LOVE when kid #2 is flashing that beautiful grin instead of screaming her face off.

In case you're wondering what I mean by that...

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

 

See? Now you know why I almost went crazy this past year.

I love every little squishy part of kid #2, but we say often around this house that "there is a reason God made her so cute." And there is.

But I digress.

The point is that up until recently, we've been in a LOT of debt. Not strictly financial, though that has played its part. But definitely emotional debt (Take a little life and add two kids, add four jobs, add a house and a dog and a little red wagon...and somehow marriage gets subtracted on in that equation). We've been in STEEP time debt, especially in said marriage^^. 

And let's be honest - I really thought that's just where we were supposed to be. That life was supposed to be hard, that money was supposed to be gone, that someone else was supposed to be raising our kids for us while we worked our tails off trying to get back to zero at some point before we died so that we didn't leave a mess in the hands of our kids when we finally got to leave this God-forsaken earth and go meet our Savior, who would likely tell us what a great job we had done with our little bit of time on earth.

Wow - longest run-on sentence ever. 

And we hadn't been doing that great of a job either. 

Our finances were in crisis. Our marriage was headed that way. Our kids missed us. Our friendships were shallow (which became BLARINGLY obvious when kid #2 dropped a bomb on our world and decided to not EVER sleep, ALWAYS cry, and just generally confine us to homeland unless we were willing to just throw caution to the wind and let her C.I.O.). Frustrations mounted for L at work while he tried to hold everything together at home. And I struggled a LOT with depression. Post-partum? Or my-life-is-out-of-control-and-I-don't-know-how-to-deal-with-it? Who knows. Not sure if it mattered at the end of a very long day, to be honest.

And Jesus saves. Hear me say that. Jesus SAVES. But the "justification" part gets a little tricky at times. By that, I mean life feels little long sometimes when you're working out that salvation over 80 years of money problems, marriage problems and prodigal kids. And when you're at a place where you're grabbing for anything that might let you hang on, you get willing to do whatever it takes.
 

Even start a home business. ;) Enter AdvoCare.

www.advocaresparksrome.com

I was NOT looking for AdvoCare. I was looking for a way to help our family climb out of this mess,  a way to earn a little side income - at the time so that I literally could afford to pay a babysitter for the times we needed to both be at work and didn't have the extra in our budget to hire a sitter. It's sad to think back and see that as my motivation, when all that has flipped on its head and we are now spending more time together, raising our kids together, living out our dreams together. 

And speaking of dreams, one of the things that actually held me back the most at the beginning of said "home business" was that I somehow felt that the dream life portrayed by the Distributor kit DVD was a life of ease, a life of reclining by the pool, a life of all organic foods, and a life of 5-star vacations. I have to admit - I DO like it when life's easy, I DO like going to the pool, I DO think regular produce tastes like dirt compared to organic foods, and 5-star vacations actually DO sound like fun to me. But is that MY idea of a dream life? Heck no. My dream life very simply involves being able to DO LIFE with my husband. Side by side. The good, the bad and the ugly. In it together. Through thick and thin. Through sickness and health. And though we both have things we truly enjoy doing - CrossFit, Outdoor Experiential Ed, etc., it would really be awesome to be able to do those things because we LOVE them and not because we rely on the paycheck they bring to us. 

And believe it or not, what we've found is that AdvoCare actually does help folks - and is helping us - do just that. We are creating more time together, and that is straight-up saving our marriage. We are climbing out of debt so that we can be the givers we know God wants us to be one day. We are investing into the young lives of the two precious gifts God has given us so far, and looking forward to the day when we are financially able to welcome more kids into our home through adoption. There is so much that we are looking forward to doing for Christ here on this earth should we be here another 40 years, and we are going for it, even if He only gives us 4 more years. AdvoCare is providing the vehicle for us to run hard after the things we feel God has called us to, and we are taking it by the horns. 

L wants to be a marriage counselor one day and is in grad school right now - AdvoCare is helping us get to a place where schooling becomes debt free, and will eventually help him offer his incredible gift to other marriages regardless of their income. I now know that I was born to be a coach, and AdvoCare has helped me navigate safely and effectively through the process of helping folks find solutions to weight management, energy and sports performance with absolutely top-of-the-line products. But even more than that, as we engage in the lives of others around us, we are finding that AdvoCare allows us to help others reach out and grab hold of their goals and dreams as well. 

And if none of that sounds believable to you, hear this (mom): I have made my bed EVERY DAY for the past week. Boo-yah. If that's not change, I don't know what is.

If you're my friend, I'm not going to start pestering you with AdvoCare. But I'm NOT going to shy away from talking about it, because it is changing our lives. I'm the first to admit: as with anything - it may be for you, it may not. All I'm asking is that as we move forward, please have respect for this amazing vehicle that is allowing us to pursue the life we feel God is calling us to lead. We cherish our friendships with you all, and simply ask that if you are confused as to why this has become so important to us, please ask us. We are happy to share without asking you to sign your life away on the dotted line. Our business isn't pressure, it's service. And if anything, I know for sure that even IF AdvoCare is right for you, it's only going to be right on your terms and in your time (just as it was for me). And that's perfectly okay. 

I do hope that if and when you see AdvoCare, you think of it positively because of the integrity we have as we represent it. Not unlike the way that I truly hope you see us and think positively of Christ because of the integrity we have as we represent Him to the best we can. We are not perfect - never will be. But we do have a heart for others and we are trying. Thanks for being our friends on this journey called life. 

And for sticking with me through the longest post ever. :)

Alone.

Surely one of Satan's biggest lies to any women has to be that she is alone. I know I've certainly felt it through many of the twists and turns in my life. 

As the results of our survey continue to unfold, a few things have surfaced: 1) Every single issue on the survey has been earmarked by more than one person; yet - so fascinating - 2) The number of women who have felt alone in their struggle has remained fairly consistent at 70%.

So, even though - according to the results - not a single woman is alone in facing the particular issues she struggles with, 7 out of 10 women feel alone in facing that struggle. Amazing. And heartbreaking. 

As this journey continues to unfold for me, I am praying and praying that women begin to figure out how to walk this life hand in hand. That we are able to restore and experience community. That we are not only able to experience the freedom from confessing our own dark places within a safe environment, but we are also able to extend grace and forgiveness to those who would be vulnerable enough to open up with us, and that we would be guarded against the temptation to use our sister's confession as fuel for gossip and slander. 

I'm so humbled and yet also encouraged by how relevant this all seems to be. Thanks for your prayers and love!